Shameless Plug...

I'm doing some more game development, over here

ninjafishgames.blogspot.com

So keep an eye open and support me!

Yay me...

Another nameless tale

A little story I wrote on the train on the way to my Ma's this weekend. I hope you like it :)

I’m wandering through a wilderness of my own creation. I keep telling myself this, but the landscape continues to amaze and frighten me. What began as a desert (and always does) now appeared as a land ravaged by volcanoes, torn asunder by earthquakes. Am I really this emotionally unstable?

In recent years my waking life had improved dramatically, a loving wife, numerous wonderful children (as was the custom), and a house that did virtually everything for me, from cleaning itself to scheduling appointments. I had no need for a job any more, I have moved into the upper echelons of society - the wealthy elite.

So why such discontent? And why now, of all times, when life was so idyllic?

I floated over a particularly violent volcano, and saw her face. She, who had somehow just appeared in my life, on my planet (over whose population the house was supposed to have control), who had somehow thrown my life into turmoil. And, as far as I could tell, for no good reason. She wasn’t the prettiest (she had, in fact, a very ordinary look to her), nor was she the most exciting. But I wanted her.

I continued to move silently through the dream world, gazing into chasms and rivers of molten rock. The land cried, and I with it.

Tentatively I looked up from the monitor screen, dazed, depressed, and more than a little confused. I hit the delete key with religious fervor, casting this abomination, this blasphemy in the church of my life, into oblivion.

Purged I felt a little better, as though this would help remove her from my life. I wanted my thoughts, my feelings, to be my own again. Not hers.

Hands on my shoulders jolted me from my reverie, and I looked into her eyes. Thank Christ the wife and kids were on holiday. I would fix the recordings in the houses data centre later, not a problem with the technology available to me. A look of benevolence flowed from her, she seemed to understand that this would not, could not be forever, and she accepted it with grace and ease.

I looked away, ashamed of myself, trying to hate her and failing miserably. She rubbed my shoulders and I hoped she wouldn’t see the reflection in the screen of the tear which coursed down my cheek as I sabotaged my own life.

“FUCK!”

The word echoed through the house, mocking me with each repetition. I leapt to my feet and she backed away, unused to my violent outbursts. I picked up the two training swords by my bed (one can never be too careful, even in this day and age) and began to systematically destroy everything in my sight, everything I had tainted with my own betrayal.

Blood firing through my veins, adrenaline powering my strokes, I ripped into the wall hangings, tearing them into shreds. I pummeled the cupboards, the chest of drawers, the side tables, pounding them with all my might, and flung the antique paraffin lamp into the kindling.

She ran out the room knowing full well that the house would take douse the fire before it did any real damage, but primal fear taking control anyway. I turned and followed her, sedate now that the destruction was complete. Seeing the pleading look in my eyes she opened her arms to me and I fell, weeping, into them.

Six months later, and she lies dead at my feet. Her, along with my wife, my seven children, my eighteen man-servants, and the rubble of my house.

I grasped my new passport in one hand, a suitcase full of money in the other. I looked impassively over at the wrecking and watched the distant police take away the poor clone who suffered what was honestly my fate. Smiling inwards I climbed into the car, and drove away knowing that tomorrow really was the first day of the rest of my life.

Oooold Schoooool...

Just found this old video of Dan and I burning a party popper no New Years day 2006, thought I should share it with the world!

And so, enjoy...

Ninjaquest - You bastard!

I finally decided to go have a look at the blog which took the name I wanted originally, Ninjaquest. It's rubbish! The idiot complains that no-one leaves comments, and instructs you to hit the "feedback" button, but there ain't no feedback button! And not only this, but it leaves me in a terrible situation - how am I to ridicule the authors lack of comment-taking capability, and poor use of the English language when I can't comment!

Well, with any luck the poor moron will stumble upon this most great of blogs and realise the error in their ways, at which very point I will make a comment of such ridicul- I mean, take back what I just said!

Yeah... Take it back...

Apples?

And, why not, a post of thirdishness!! This one could perhaps do with a little revising, but hey comments are always welcome!

There is an apple in a tree
Lit up at night for all to see
For in this apple you will find
The greatest of mathematical minds

A worm with skills unknown to man
Differentiate, he can
Laplace transforms are naught to him
And he calculates integrals on a whim

Hyperbolics came to light
While the worm did sleep one night
Exponentials filled the skies
While the worm was heard to cry

“I’m an artisan of maths, it’s true!”
He couldn’t tell his apple flew
With certainty toward the ground
His corpse the local thrushes found

I suppose it is now rather late
To tell you he’ll reincarnate
He’s gone a step up in the ladder
This time he will be an adder!

Safer, maybe, this time round
He intends to stay on the ground
And maths is something he’ll forget
On that I’d place a hefty bet

And I would suppose that at the least
I should tell you how I know this beast
But for now let’s call him a friend
You’ll probably meet him in the end.

A Christmas Story

And in the spirit of posting things I give you my Christmas story, written just after Christmas...


In times long passed, or so it’s said,
Arose the souls of the recent dead,
And with a cry, on Christmas Eve,
Did visit those who would not grieve.

And upon this most fateful of nights,
Vincent received a terrible fright,
To see his granny hovering thus,
Above the number seven bus.

A girlish scream he did emit,
And had an epileptic fit,
The local people, not too smart,
Began to pound him in the heart.

There fitting on the frosty tar,
He lay receiving CPR,
And so it was no small surprise,
That all the life went out of his eyes.

Confused and scared Vince saw himself,
In somewhat less than perfect health,
And over him the doctor Phil,
Was beating his dead body, still…

So flexing his new ghostly arms,
He vowed to do the moron harm,
Forgetting poor old Granny dear,
Who just remained, hovering near.

But looking then he saw the star,
Of Christmas floating high and far,
Enthralled he flew to this new goal,
Not knowing it was a black hole.

And so our story endeth thus,
The people got back on the bus,
The ghosts returned to… Heaven, say
And all in time, for Christmas day.

Ode to the Ninjafish

OK, I've had this for a while and have been badgered (in the nicest possible way) into posting, so here goes. I give you Ode to the Ninjafish! I hope you enjoy!


Oh Ninjafish we bow to thee,
And delight in your ninjery
Your shuriken are soaking wet,
And have not hit a target yet,

Your fins are bladed, razor sharp,
And though you stalk us in the dark
Dear Ninjafish we’re not afraid,
Fear in our hearts you have not made

For though your teeth are sharp and bitey,
And your fishy muscles mighty
There is still one thing you forget,
You are just some poor students pet

Your bowl is glass, too thick to break,
An escape you have yet to make
And even though you plan each night,
Dreaming that one day you just might

Free yourself from captivity,
And bask in glorious liberty
The floor outside looks rather dry,
And that damn cat looks somewhat spry

The food comes to you every day,
And in its own refractive way
The view is really not that bad,
Your owner would be rather sad

To see his ninja gasping, flopping
On a floor that needs a mopping
So Ninjafish to you I say,
Postpone your flight, for one more day.

The Nameless Tale

Bonjour!

Long time, no post, but here goes. In an effort to encourage myself to write, I am blogging a story chapter by chapter. As it has no name, it is called (you guessed it) The Nameless Tale, and can be found at http://namelesstale.blogspot.com.

Let me know what you think, I hope everyone enjoys!

Crisps! Lots of them! All in one go!!

This is my friend Pete, from work. A few of you will know him, since he attended our end of year party at 107. Well, here he is in all his Monster Much-stuffing glory, as he manages to fit an entire packet into his mouth!

Delightful...

Back once again with the renegade master...

I'm back!! Long time, no post. Well, as of saturday this week, I will officially be moved into my new place! Yay!

For those of you who are staying in the Nottingham area, I'm not going to be living far from where I am now. My new place is on Grove Road, just behind The Grove pub, no 51. Drop in if you fancy!

Pics to come soon...