Ninja Fish

Apple Bluetooth Wireless Keyboard

2011-10-06T11:49:00.002+01:00

So, I love my wireless apple keyboard. It's a thing of beauty, and it feels just lovely to use. Unfortunately, hunting down the Windows drivers for it is a massive pain in the arse. The first time I installed it I was working on 64-bit Windows, and that took me long enough. This time, hunting for the x86 drivers took even longer. Eventually I had to extract them from a boot camp update installer using 7-zip. So, in order to reduce future frustration, and in case anyone else needs them, here are the 64-bit and 32-bit installers.

32-bit drivers

64-bit drivers

I hope this helps someone!

Another annoying programming thing

2011-09-21T13:42:00.003+01:00

Mostly for my own benefit, but in case anyone comes across this same issue, I was having a problem with a C# solution claiming that a type was missing from a namespace, something like this:

"The type or namespace 'type' does not exist in the class or namespace 'namespace' (are you missing an assembly reference?)"

Turns out the reason for this was that the build configuration was targeting the wrong processor in some of the projects. I set them all to the same processor, and Bob was my uncle!

My New Mouse Mat!

2011-01-28T18:31:00.005Z

OK, so I've been going on about this rather a lot lately, but it's only because I'm so impressed. For those who don't know, I like to play QuakeLive with my brother on a (semi-)regular basis, and this of course means using a mouse. Now, unfortunately, my mouse doesn't track very well on shiny surfaces, and finally being rather frustrated I decided to buy a mouse mat. But of course when I tried to find one I liked, I couldn't. So the obvious solution, then, was to get one printed.

I scoured the internets for a little while and came across a picture I liked, from the always awesome anime (huh, triple-A!) Neon Genesis Evangelion. It was huge, so would hopefully contribute to a decent print quality.

Now, my fist port of call for getting it printed was VistaPrint, who advertised that mouse mats could be printed from £4.49 each! "Great!, I thought, "That's dirt cheap." I merrily clicked away, and started figuring things out. VistaPrint have a set of guidelines to getting your mousemat perfect, and this involved mucking about with the image a little in Photoshop to make sure there was some space for errors (the original image, sadly, had none). I then uploaded my image to find I would be charged an additional £1.75 one-time fee to store this image on their servers, which I was then free to use any time after that at no extra cost. Well, seems a bit cheeky, but OK. £4.49 had become £6.24, still not breaking the bank. I clicked on.

"Choose delivery option". OK. The cheapest option available (for one mouse mat) was £2.30, for 21 days. Three weeks! I decided to opt for the slightly more expensive 14 day option at £3.20. £4.49 now looked like £9.44. Getting worse, but still within the £10 mark, so OK.

Tax. They had neglected to mention that none of the prices included tax. That's 20% now, so £9.44 became £11.33. At this point I lost interest. What the hell, VistaPrint? 9 million people trust you for their printing needs? Not like this, they don't!

Enormously disappointed, I decided to search elsewhere. I found a couple of fairly crappy sites, and then stumbled upon the rather gaudy yourdesign.co.uk site. I checked the prices - £6, no extra fees, free delivery! Sounds good, lets check the upload page. Upload the image, clipping is off. Adjust my base image shape, clipping is still off. Couple of adjustments later I noticed the section for extra instructions. I decided to upload the original image and simply tell them how to clip it.

I made the order, and £6 duly left my account. Their estimate for printing was 3 days, followed by 2-3 days for postage (Royal Mail first class). I should point out that I ordered this at quarter past ten on a Wednesday night. Next day, order was flagged as printing, no surprise there. The next day came, order was flagged as dispatched. Interesting, I thought, that was quick. Lo and behold, a few hours later, my mousemat arrived!

Honestly, I was a little thrilled! Not only had they clipped the image just right, but the print quality was brilliant, and the damn thing had arrived two days after I ordered it! I am now a firm advocate of yourdesign.co.uk!

So, if you need a mousemat, tell VistaPrint to sod off, and go check these guys out. It is my fondest wish that someone planning to use VistaPrint will see this post and go to the rather more deserving yourdesign.co.uk instead. Nuff said.

C# Annoyance

2011-01-27T18:47:00.003Z

I'm blogging this for my own damn good, since I never seem to remember the solution. I've frequently had an error recently when referencing projects in C# stating something along the lines of:

The type or namespace name 'namespace' does not exist in the namespace 'other_namespace' (are you missing an assembly reference?)

And you know what? It's infuriating.

Turns out, the solution is similarly infuriating: check the target platform. The class libraries are, of course, built in '.NET 4', however the application referencing them is set to '.NET 4 Client Platform'. Why? Who knows. But if you change it to plain old '.NET 4' it fixes it.

Job done.

An Experiment in Astrology

2011-01-25T09:29:00.002Z

For reasons too boring to list, I have decided to conduct a little experiment with regards to daily horoscopes. My plan is to live my daily life as normal, and at the end of each day write a small diary entry (roughly the same size as a horoscope). At the end of each week, then, I shall compare each day with the horoscopical (is that a word?) predictions of a few of the premier astrologers of our time. Not a huge study, and I'm already fairly certain what the result will show, however I will try to keep an open mind in the interest of fairness.

Perhaps some intrepid reader(s) would like to do the same? Honesty is key in this endeavour - the day's horoscope must not be read until after the day is through (one of my opinions on the subject is that it's only accurate because you believe it will be).

It probably won't begin right away - I need to first decide on a list of astrologers to test, and then write some sort of program to crawl the websites on a daily basis, but I think I can get started on Monday.

So, any volunteers?

Silverlight and List Controls

2010-10-28T14:00:00.000+01:00

It seems odd to me that in Silverlight the way to create an old-school list control, at least in the format I require (multi-column) the solution appears to be to create a list box and populate it with horizontal stack boxes.

Bah.

My Well Good Playlist, innit

2010-10-28T12:53:00.000+01:00

This week, I 'ave mostly been listenin' to:

Red House - Jimi Hendrix

Smoke and Mirrors - RJD2

Drifting - Andy McKee

Xtal - Aphex Twin

Effington - Ben Folds

Sofa King - Danger Doom

D.A.N.C.E - Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly

Ill Culinary Behaviour - DJ Format

Big Me - Foo Fighters

Hypercaine - DJ Fresh

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Santa Esmeralda

Wake Me Up - David E Wood

Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song) - Incubus

The Sight Of Spira - Nobuo Uematsu

Belly Button Window - Jimi Hendrix

Find a way to acquire the songs, and listen to them in that order. Enjoyment guaranteed! (Not a guarantee)

Dambr.com

2010-10-26T17:59:00.001+01:00

My brother has created a lightweight blog reader, www.dambr.com, for reading blog posts on the go! You simply sign up, add you blogs, and the posts appear in the feed. Perfect for the blog junkie with an internet phone!

Go! Go now!

Religion - What Is It Good For?

2010-09-15T11:55:00.000+01:00

Absolutely nothing. Say it again!

I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. I'm not a religious man, in fact I believe that religion is daft. It doesn't make sense to me that people can put their sense aside for a textbook that was, allegedly, written two thousand years ago by a man claiming to be the son of God. Not only that, but it was't actually written by him, but by people who claimed to have known him. So there is no guarantee that anything in there is accurate, even if he did exist.

So what if I were to write my own holy book? I could pepper it with pious references to myself and the great things I've said and done, claiming that I was the reincarnation of Jesus, but would anyone believe me? Perhaps a scattering of lone nut-cases, but no-one with any sense or perhaps, for that matter, faith in "the good book" (a name which I find, frankly, a little offensive). So why believe in the bible? It reads like a book of Greek myths but, thanks to some aggressive promotion over the centuries, it's widely believed by idiots and the intelligent alike.

At this point I would like to mention that I have no problem with faith in a higher power. Faith can be a beautiful thing, and I'm sure that it has done wonderful things over the years. And for the most part, religion tries to lay down a basic way that people should respect each other and help each other out. An admirable goal, really.

But organised religion. It really gets on my nerves.

The current Pope, Benedict the whatever, is visiting our country for four days starting tomorrow. I, personally, am opposed to the idea of letting this man into the country. He is considered the head of state of Vatican City, admittedly not the largest state in the world, but he is head of a powerful army of religious nuts. There is a fairly well publicised list of pretty bad things he's responsible for, but I'm going to cover my favourites now.

Firstly, the Catholic church is opposed to contraception of all forms, and as such have been spreading the outright lie that condoms actually increase the chance of contracting HIV to uneducated people in developing nations, most notably sub-Saharan Africa. The official standing of the church is that abstinence is the only way to prevent AIDS, and that contraception contributes to a "breakdown in sexual morality". Thus, they withhold aid to people who really need it until they renounce the use of condoms. Nice.

Next the ever-present issue of Catholic priests abusing children. Benedict has been covering this up for years. He also states that the worst thing the church can do is bring in the police, and thus anyone who is involved is sworn to secrecy. Belgian police recently raided Catholic churches, investigating over 500 suspected abuse claims, and were condemned by the Pope and his subordinates as attempting to discredit the church. And let's not forget that, while the Pope has only been Pope for a few years, he was previously head of the Vatican's doctrinal office for, I believe, around 25 years. So he's been suppressing this kind of activity for nearly 30 years.

Now, I realise that the Catholic church is now a popular target in the media, but this doesn't change the facts. Moreover, it stuns me that people can actively oppose fundamentalist and extremist Muslims, when the Pope himself is quite clearly an extreme fundamentalist Catholic. In fact, I'm starting to wonder how long it will be before the Pope will be brought to account for these crimes against humanity. Not quite up to the magnitude of a tyrannical dictator, but where does it end?

My one other gripe is the length that the state goes to support the religious in their bizarre needs, but never the atheists. Perhaps I'll start a national atheism day, where all of us atheists can parade around and lord our belief that there is no God over everyone else, and rest assured in our moral superiority, for what better reason is there to feel superior than the fact that we actually take account for the things we do, instead of hiding behind some fictional creator whose words are so vague they can be interpreted to back up any action we choose to take? I think we deserve a day off for putting up with their religious crap all year round, personally. And I fail to see how it's any less legitimate than any religious holiday.

At least this one has a rational basis...

Something I Obsess About For No Apparent Reason.

2010-09-07T17:34:00.000+01:00

My lovely other-half will surely tell you that I have a pointless obsession with folding plastic bags in a certain way. To the uninitiated, this may seem like madness, however there is method to this madness and history, to boot.

When I used to work at the Probation Service, many moons ago, I would often (and in fact, usually) buy my lunch from the Sainsbury's across the road. I was hungry, so my lunch often looked like this:

Can of soup/curry/chilli etc.

Six-pack of rolls.

Large bag of crisps (the big bags of kettle chips, and the like)

Tub of houmous, in which to dip said chips.

Chocolatey goodness of some variety.

This, of course, meant that I would need at least one plastic bag in which to carry my lunch back to the office. As you may expect, I lacked the foresight to bring a bag to the supermarket with me, so I quickly accumulated a large collection of bags, stuffed in my bottom drawer.

It was when I was trying to stuff another empty bag into said drawer when I decided that perhaps a different strategy was warranted, and hence the bag folding technique was born. For those who want to know, it involves flattening the bag to it's production shape (that is, how you see them in the shop), folding into thirds horizontally, in half vertically, and then in thirds horizontally again. The resultant rectangle can then be tied into a small knot, which takes about 15-20% of the space of a bag simply stuffed into the drawer. Success!

Having now quintupled the capacity of my drawer, this then became a daily ritual, and is now firmly engrained into my brain as the right way to do.

So there. Next time you think I'm weird, well, I'm not. And fuck you. But mostly the first one.

Why Managers Make Lousy Bar Staff

2010-02-22T13:18:00.000Z

A little while ago, after working at a new pub for a week or two, I had a revelation. As I had expected, there was a period of adjustment to the way things worked there, prices, tills, procedures, and so on. And, of course, getting to know the other staff. I didn't know everyone that well yet, there's a good ten people in the kitchen, at least ten waitresses in the restaurant, and something like half a dozen bar staff. I was still learning names and getting used to how people work behind the bar.

Now, when you're working a busy bar, you learn to weave between the other bar-staff in what my previous landlord used to call “bar chi”. It's like a dance; you move so as not to bump into each other and still effectively serve the customers. In my old pub I had this down to a fine art. However, in the new place, I noticed that from time to time this wasn't working.

To begin with, I thought it was me. I was new, a little nervous still, and not entirely used to the position of everything and the flow of the bar. But when the manager stopped serving behind the bar and went to do something else my flow returned, and I managed to get things done properly. My confidence went up, and so did my productivity. I didn't link the two until later, when the manager came back, and the problems started again.

Again, I blamed myself. Maybe I just need to get used to his style, I thought. The manager was undoubtedly a competent barman, he had a good rapport with the customers and poured a mean pint. Why, then, was I having these problems? But before long I figured it out.

We nearly walked into each other.

I, of course, stepped back and apologised. He carried on walking, without a word. There was no two-way give and take in this relationship. I gave, he took. And this wasn't the only time it happened; in fact this continued to happen while he was behind the bar.

Now, it's entirely possible to blame me for the fact that I walked into him, and continued to, and were this someone else's story I would do the same. However, it's not just me. I've seen all but the most seasoned bar staff there encounter the same problem. And this is precisely why management will never make good bar staff. They'll never yield to other bar staff because they're in charge. And that's not how it works. You're supposed to work with the other bar staff, not on top of them.

My advice is this: if you manage a bar, leave it at that. Don't try to get in on the action behind the bar, unless it's massively spacious and not very busy. If you want to do bar work, get a bar job, but if you're raking in a management salary leave the bar work to the professionals.

Shameless Plug...

2009-04-08T17:16:00.001+01:00

I'm doing some more game development, over here

ninjafishgames.blogspot.com

So keep an eye open and support me!

Yay me...

Another nameless tale

2007-10-29T11:30:00.000Z

A little story I wrote on the train on the way to my Ma's this weekend. I hope you like it :)

I’m wandering through a wilderness of my own creation. I keep telling myself this, but the landscape continues to amaze and frighten me. What began as a desert (and always does) now appeared as a land ravaged by volcanoes, torn asunder by earthquakes. Am I really this emotionally unstable?

In recent years my waking life had improved dramatically, a loving wife, numerous wonderful children (as was the custom), and a house that did virtually everything for me, from cleaning itself to scheduling appointments. I had no need for a job any more, I have moved into the upper echelons of society - the wealthy elite.

So why such discontent? And why now, of all times, when life was so idyllic?

I floated over a particularly violent volcano, and saw her face. She, who had somehow just appeared in my life, on my planet (over whose population the house was supposed to have control), who had somehow thrown my life into turmoil. And, as far as I could tell, for no good reason. She wasn’t the prettiest (she had, in fact, a very ordinary look to her), nor was she the most exciting. But I wanted her.

I continued to move silently through the dream world, gazing into chasms and rivers of molten rock. The land cried, and I with it.

Tentatively I looked up from the monitor screen, dazed, depressed, and more than a little confused. I hit the delete key with religious fervor, casting this abomination, this blasphemy in the church of my life, into oblivion.

Purged I felt a little better, as though this would help remove her from my life. I wanted my thoughts, my feelings, to be my own again. Not hers.

Hands on my shoulders jolted me from my reverie, and I looked into her eyes. Thank Christ the wife and kids were on holiday. I would fix the recordings in the houses data centre later, not a problem with the technology available to me. A look of benevolence flowed from her, she seemed to understand that this would not, could not be forever, and she accepted it with grace and ease.

I looked away, ashamed of myself, trying to hate her and failing miserably. She rubbed my shoulders and I hoped she wouldn’t see the reflection in the screen of the tear which coursed down my cheek as I sabotaged my own life.

“FUCK!”

The word echoed through the house, mocking me with each repetition. I leapt to my feet and she backed away, unused to my violent outbursts. I picked up the two training swords by my bed (one can never be too careful, even in this day and age) and began to systematically destroy everything in my sight, everything I had tainted with my own betrayal.

Blood firing through my veins, adrenaline powering my strokes, I ripped into the wall hangings, tearing them into shreds. I pummeled the cupboards, the chest of drawers, the side tables, pounding them with all my might, and flung the antique paraffin lamp into the kindling.

She ran out the room knowing full well that the house would take douse the fire before it did any real damage, but primal fear taking control anyway. I turned and followed her, sedate now that the destruction was complete. Seeing the pleading look in my eyes she opened her arms to me and I fell, weeping, into them.

Six months later, and she lies dead at my feet. Her, along with my wife, my seven children, my eighteen man-servants, and the rubble of my house.

I grasped my new passport in one hand, a suitcase full of money in the other. I looked impassively over at the wrecking and watched the distant police take away the poor clone who suffered what was honestly my fate. Smiling inwards I climbed into the car, and drove away knowing that tomorrow really was the first day of the rest of my life.

Oooold Schoooool...

2007-08-22T18:27:00.000+01:00

Just found this old video of Dan and I burning a party popper no New Years day 2006, thought I should share it with the world!

And so, enjoy...

Ninjaquest - You bastard!

2007-07-02T19:49:00.000+01:00

I finally decided to go have a look at the blog which took the name I wanted originally, Ninjaquest. It's rubbish! The idiot complains that no-one leaves comments, and instructs you to hit the "feedback" button, but there ain't no feedback button! And not only this, but it leaves me in a terrible situation - how am I to ridicule the authors lack of comment-taking capability, and poor use of the English language when I can't comment!

Well, with any luck the poor moron will stumble upon this most great of blogs and realise the error in their ways, at which very point I will make a comment of such ridicul- I mean, take back what I just said!

Yeah... Take it back...

Apples?

2007-07-02T19:18:00.001+01:00

And, why not, a post of thirdishness!! This one could perhaps do with a little revising, but hey comments are always welcome!

There is an apple in a tree
Lit up at night for all to see
For in this apple you will find
The greatest of mathematical minds

A worm with skills unknown to man
Differentiate, he can
Laplace transforms are naught to him
And he calculates integrals on a whim

Hyperbolics came to light
While the worm did sleep one night
Exponentials filled the skies
While the worm was heard to cry

“I’m an artisan of maths, it’s true!”
He couldn’t tell his apple flew
With certainty toward the ground
His corpse the local thrushes found

I suppose it is now rather late
To tell you he’ll reincarnate
He’s gone a step up in the ladder
This time he will be an adder!

Safer, maybe, this time round
He intends to stay on the ground
And maths is something he’ll forget
On that I’d place a hefty bet

And I would suppose that at the least
I should tell you how I know this beast
But for now let’s call him a friend
You’ll probably meet him in the end.

A Christmas Story

2007-07-02T19:11:00.000+01:00

And in the spirit of posting things I give you my Christmas story, written just after Christmas...

In times long passed, or so it’s said,
Arose the souls of the recent dead,
And with a cry, on Christmas Eve,
Did visit those who would not grieve.

And upon this most fateful of nights,
Vincent received a terrible fright,
To see his granny hovering thus,
Above the number seven bus.

A girlish scream he did emit,
And had an epileptic fit,
The local people, not too smart,
Began to pound him in the heart.

There fitting on the frosty tar,
He lay receiving CPR,
And so it was no small surprise,
That all the life went out of his eyes.

Confused and scared Vince saw himself,
In somewhat less than perfect health,
And over him the doctor Phil,
Was beating his dead body, still…

So flexing his new ghostly arms,
He vowed to do the moron harm,
Forgetting poor old Granny dear,
Who just remained, hovering near.

But looking then he saw the star,
Of Christmas floating high and far,
Enthralled he flew to this new goal,
Not knowing it was a black hole.

And so our story endeth thus,
The people got back on the bus,
The ghosts returned to… Heaven, say
And all in time, for Christmas day.

Ode to the Ninjafish

2007-07-02T19:04:00.000+01:00

OK, I've had this for a while and have been badgered (in the nicest possible way) into posting, so here goes. I give you Ode to the Ninjafish! I hope you enjoy!

Oh Ninjafish we bow to thee,
And delight in your ninjery
Your shuriken are soaking wet,
And have not hit a target yet,

Your fins are bladed, razor sharp,
And though you stalk us in the dark
Dear Ninjafish we’re not afraid,
Fear in our hearts you have not made

For though your teeth are sharp and bitey,
And your fishy muscles mighty
There is still one thing you forget,
You are just some poor students pet

Your bowl is glass, too thick to break,
An escape you have yet to make
And even though you plan each night,
Dreaming that one day you just might

Free yourself from captivity,
And bask in glorious liberty
The floor outside looks rather dry,
And that damn cat looks somewhat spry

The food comes to you every day,
And in its own refractive way
The view is really not that bad,
Your owner would be rather sad

To see his ninja gasping, flopping
On a floor that needs a mopping
So Ninjafish to you I say,
Postpone your flight, for one more day.

The Nameless Tale

2007-01-13T14:04:00.000Z

Bonjour!

Long time, no post, but here goes. In an effort to encourage myself to write, I am blogging a story chapter by chapter. As it has no name, it is called (you guessed it) The Nameless Tale, and can be found at http://namelesstale.blogspot.com.

Let me know what you think, I hope everyone enjoys!

Crisps! Lots of them! All in one go!!

2006-07-22T13:52:00.000+01:00

This is my friend Pete, from work. A few of you will know him, since he attended our end of year party at 107. Well, here he is in all his Monster Much-stuffing glory, as he manages to fit an entire packet into his mouth!

Delightful...

Back once again with the renegade master...

2006-06-29T21:28:00.000+01:00

I'm back!! Long time, no post. Well, as of saturday this week, I will officially be moved into my new place! Yay!

For those of you who are staying in the Nottingham area, I'm not going to be living far from where I am now. My new place is on Grove Road, just behind The Grove pub, no 51. Drop in if you fancy!

Pics to come soon...

Umm...

2006-05-03T22:13:00.000+01:00

Not a lot to say today, just posting for the hell of it. Can't play WoW, net's too busy in my house, so...

Bunnies!

Post Your Comments!!

2006-04-24T20:39:00.000+01:00

OK, I finally got 'round to allowing anonymous comments, so post away!

Big Sandiwch!!

2006-04-23T15:38:00.000+01:00

As promised, pictures of Big Sandwich! And a date!!

OK, so it is being planned for the 3rd of June, which I am told is the saturday of the Summer Party. Now, I don't know if anyone actually wants to go to that, but we're thinking of doing it on the downs. The plan is to hoof the barbecue down there, get one of those cheap gazebos, and cook it on the slopes.

Sound good? You know it does.

And now the picture...

Big Sandwich Con '06

2006-04-16T13:07:00.000+01:00

Just to let you know the preliminary pre-preparatory, um, preparations are being made for Big Sandwich Con '06!! For thse of you who haven't yet experienced Big Sandwich, it is an opportunity to make your life complete, and for those who have it's just an excuse to eat lots. More on this soon, including:

A date!

Pictures!

The Adopt a Sandwich Scheme!

And more...

New look!

2006-04-08T15:32:00.000+01:00

OK, finished the logo and such, and I've updated the site with a new, sexy, japanese-style look.

Questions, comments? Email me

Real news - sort of

2006-04-08T00:08:00.000+01:00

I saw Dan eating cheerios with gravy tonight. It was very strange. It turns out that Jack and Al (primarily Al, I suspect) had bet Dan the princely sum of £1.62 that he couldn't eat a bowl full. Today, Daniel is £1.62 better off, and looking a little less healthy than usual.

Weird.

A logo, perhaps?

2006-04-07T23:46:00.000+01:00

So, I've been working on a logo for Ninjafish, but it's not finished yet. I hope you're all excited, because I am. More importantly, I think I should find some real news for this.

So here goes:

...

Damn.

Well, I've updated the blog to contain a link to email me. That's right, you can now talk to me without the problem of actually having to see or listen to me!

Beautiful...

OK, so I have something to post....

2006-04-05T23:30:00.000+01:00

Hello! Stuff!! And it's free!!! Please download this and tell me what you think!

Click here!

Hmm, a blog, eh?

2006-04-05T23:27:00.000+01:00

So, I have a blog and nothing to put on it... Damn you Daniel!! Well, I'm sure I'll think of something, keep your eyes peeled for updates...