Ninjaquest - You bastard!

I finally decided to go have a look at the blog which took the name I wanted originally, Ninjaquest. It's rubbish! The idiot complains that no-one leaves comments, and instructs you to hit the "feedback" button, but there ain't no feedback button! And not only this, but it leaves me in a terrible situation - how am I to ridicule the authors lack of comment-taking capability, and poor use of the English language when I can't comment!

Well, with any luck the poor moron will stumble upon this most great of blogs and realise the error in their ways, at which very point I will make a comment of such ridicul- I mean, take back what I just said!

Yeah... Take it back...

Apples?

And, why not, a post of thirdishness!! This one could perhaps do with a little revising, but hey comments are always welcome!

There is an apple in a tree
Lit up at night for all to see
For in this apple you will find
The greatest of mathematical minds

A worm with skills unknown to man
Differentiate, he can
Laplace transforms are naught to him
And he calculates integrals on a whim

Hyperbolics came to light
While the worm did sleep one night
Exponentials filled the skies
While the worm was heard to cry

“I’m an artisan of maths, it’s true!”
He couldn’t tell his apple flew
With certainty toward the ground
His corpse the local thrushes found

I suppose it is now rather late
To tell you he’ll reincarnate
He’s gone a step up in the ladder
This time he will be an adder!

Safer, maybe, this time round
He intends to stay on the ground
And maths is something he’ll forget
On that I’d place a hefty bet

And I would suppose that at the least
I should tell you how I know this beast
But for now let’s call him a friend
You’ll probably meet him in the end.

A Christmas Story

And in the spirit of posting things I give you my Christmas story, written just after Christmas...


In times long passed, or so it’s said,
Arose the souls of the recent dead,
And with a cry, on Christmas Eve,
Did visit those who would not grieve.

And upon this most fateful of nights,
Vincent received a terrible fright,
To see his granny hovering thus,
Above the number seven bus.

A girlish scream he did emit,
And had an epileptic fit,
The local people, not too smart,
Began to pound him in the heart.

There fitting on the frosty tar,
He lay receiving CPR,
And so it was no small surprise,
That all the life went out of his eyes.

Confused and scared Vince saw himself,
In somewhat less than perfect health,
And over him the doctor Phil,
Was beating his dead body, still…

So flexing his new ghostly arms,
He vowed to do the moron harm,
Forgetting poor old Granny dear,
Who just remained, hovering near.

But looking then he saw the star,
Of Christmas floating high and far,
Enthralled he flew to this new goal,
Not knowing it was a black hole.

And so our story endeth thus,
The people got back on the bus,
The ghosts returned to… Heaven, say
And all in time, for Christmas day.

Ode to the Ninjafish

OK, I've had this for a while and have been badgered (in the nicest possible way) into posting, so here goes. I give you Ode to the Ninjafish! I hope you enjoy!


Oh Ninjafish we bow to thee,
And delight in your ninjery
Your shuriken are soaking wet,
And have not hit a target yet,

Your fins are bladed, razor sharp,
And though you stalk us in the dark
Dear Ninjafish we’re not afraid,
Fear in our hearts you have not made

For though your teeth are sharp and bitey,
And your fishy muscles mighty
There is still one thing you forget,
You are just some poor students pet

Your bowl is glass, too thick to break,
An escape you have yet to make
And even though you plan each night,
Dreaming that one day you just might

Free yourself from captivity,
And bask in glorious liberty
The floor outside looks rather dry,
And that damn cat looks somewhat spry

The food comes to you every day,
And in its own refractive way
The view is really not that bad,
Your owner would be rather sad

To see his ninja gasping, flopping
On a floor that needs a mopping
So Ninjafish to you I say,
Postpone your flight, for one more day.